Hello there lovely people!

It’s been a hot minute since I was last here.
I started writing this blog post a very long while ago and until this point, it was sitting in my drafts.
I think that after losing my mother, my desire to keep sharing myself and my adventures with the world somehow seized. At the end of the day, she was my biggest fan.
If you’d like to read what I wrote 3 years ago, then keep going, it might paint a picture of my absence. I think that’s me back AGAIN and I’ve got a lot of stories to share with you.

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So much has happened that a part of me is unsure where to begin. So, I’ll just write and see what happens.

I’m sure that 2020 was a challenging year for pretty much everyone on this amazing planet, and all of us have had difficult experiences, so here are mine.

2020 started off awesome, with a trip to Berlin, where I met one of my besties and spent my 24th birthday eating vegan food and exploring. Fast forward a month and the world was closed. I had my final year dissertation due and was furloughed from my work. In all honesty, being furloughed was a treat, as it allowed me to focus on my studies and wellbeing. I started exercising and for the first time in a very long while I had, what some would call a healthy routine.

And then all of a sudden, part of the world re-opened and I was able to go back to Bulgaria for a whole month in the summer. Crazy! I got some tan, caught up with family and friends and had a blast working remotely.

Then I came back to Scotland and my world started crashing down. My amazing mother who was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years prior and was supposedly in remission, got really ill. The doctors were telling her that she had pneumonia as a result of a cold, so they were treating her with antibiotics for well over a month. After talking to my dad, I decided to go home earlier than planned and arrived in Bulgaria on November 1st. This gave me a month with my mother as she was withering away. So, on December 2nd 2020, aged 51, my mom left this earthly plane and became a star. Following her loss, I stayed in Bulgaria for over 3 months, looking after my dad and making sure everyone in the family was coping with her no longer being here. While doing this, I cried 3 times in total. (not particularly healthy, eh)

Upon my return to Scotland, I had a couple of emotional breakdowns, but with the support of my amazing friends here, I got through them.

I’d be lying if I said I’m over it now. Frankly, most days I don’t even think about it anymore. But there are days and situations when all you need is your mother, and her not being there is agonising.

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Congratulations if you’ve read through all this!

It felt like a weird time capsule to me, not gonna lie. Reading the above highlighted the hurt there still is over the loss of my best friend and biggest support. A hurt that will forever be there. A hurt I’m learning to co-exist with. A hurt that happens only when someone you loved and loved you so much is lost.

But I know my mother isn’t lost. She’s a star, she’s one with the infinite Source and she is shining.

And for her, I choose to be shining as well!

Sending love and light your way!

Much love,

Dan